Bottom 250 Films

Please note, these are in no particular order for the minute. Please add your thoughts below so we can get a proper list together.

1) A Good Day to Die Hard (2013) A truly awful film that I can’t explain in a short snippet. Please check my review for full details.

2) Batman and Robin (1997) Lots of neon, lots of crappy one liners and lots of nipples. A film so bad, George Clooney couldn’t save it. On trying to watch it again recently, managed only 12 minutes. ‘Your not sending me to the cooler.’ I wish they would!

3) Battlefield Earth (2000) John Travolta looks like……. I don’t even know how explain that mess. Did you know the Director, Roger Christian won an Oscar. Not for this abomination, but for Art Direction on Star Wars: A New Hope.

4) The Avengers (1998) Uma Thurman was not having a great time with this and Batman & Robin. My main memory of this film is Sean Connery addressing a room full of Teddy Bears. That happened, right?

5) The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) Whilst we are talking about Sean Connery, here is the film that permanently retired him. Bad effects, bad plot and too many characters.

6) Van Helsing (2004) What an earth happened with this mess of a film? Although I know someone who wouldn’t agree with me, it really is rubbish.

7) 2012 (2009) The neutrinos have mutated! The best thing about this film was watching Dara Ó Briain’s stand up, taking the piss out of the ridiculous plot. Also, how many times can John Cusack run away from falling buildings, molten lava and survive? I had my fingers crossed, I was on the side of nature.

8) Shriek if you know what I did last Friday the thirteenth (2000) I don’t know who thought this was a good idea. It makes Scary Movie look like an epic. 

9) Shrooms (2007) Another crappy horror movie where stupid horny teens go to the woods to get killed. This films only redeeming feature is a ‘talking fucking cow.’

10) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of blah blah blah. Poor attempt at disguising Ewoks as monkeys swinging through the jungle with Shit Lepoopter. I no longer want to be an archaeologist. (Nominated and comments by R Johnson)

11) R.I.P.D (2013) What the hell happened to ‘The Dude’? (Nominated and comments by R Johnson) I have watched this now, it is not good.

12) Seventh Son (2014) What the hell happened to ‘The Dude’? (Nominated and comments by R Johnson) I’d like to add, that I have an hunch Jeff Bridges had just watched The Dark Knight Rises before filming this. His Bane impression is spot on.

13) Zero Dark Thirty (2012) Sexist, ridiculous and mostly untrue American propaganda. (Nominated and comments by R Johnson)

14) Jupiter Ascending (2015) Channing Tatum in Elf ears, glitter and on ‘gravity’ rollerblades. (Starlight Express anyone) Oh and pretty much the same plot as The Matrix, but with Aliens not Robots. (Nominated and comments by R Johnson) Channing Tatum in a reboot of Starlight Express? I’m sold.

15) Skyline (2010) Never before have I cared so little for a group of characters. A film with the most pointless flashback ever and the ending, what was that all about. It’s just bad, so bad.

16) Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988) I’m undecided as to whether it should be in the list. It scores reasonably well on IMDB. Is it so bad it’s good? One things for sure, the title doesn’t lie.

17) Catwoman (2004) A film so bad they had to use CGI cats. Honestly, every cat who read the screenplay turned it down.

18) Super Mario Bros (1993) I was so excited to watch this film as a kid. What the fuck was that all about? Don’t even get me started on Yoshi.

19) Showgirls (1995) I still remember the scene where Elizabeth Berkley gets attacked by a shark whilst trying to have sex with Kyle MacLachlan. Now that’s acting!

20) Only God Forgives (2013) Is it arty? I think not. I honestly thought my DVD player had frozen there was that little movement on the screen. And I didn’t give a shit about any character in this film.

21) The One (2001) Jet Li is ‘The One’, but not the one who can save this film.

22) Jumper (2008) Hayden Christensen could not redeem himself. I cheered on Samuel L. Jackson.

23) All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006) I for one have mixed feelings about her.

24) Barb Wire (1996) I don’t think an explanation is needed for this one.

25) Your Highness (2011) A very forgettable royal mess. Which is a shame with such a great cast and an anticipated follow up for Pineapple Express director David Gordon Green.

26) Spawn (1997) Horrible film (particularly for a year 7 end of term “treat”) (Nominated and comments by H Waghorn) I love the tagline on the IMDB poster ‘The Special-Effects movie event of the year.’ I’m sure it was.

27) Highlander 2: The Quickening (1991) There can be only one. Well if only that were true. A film with a majorly troubled production. The final product is something I, and the people involved would like to forget.

28) Raiders of the Lost Shark (2015) Just so bad. Bad acting, bad story, bad effects and bad misleading poster.

 29) Ibiza Undead (Zombie Spring Breakers) (2016) Zombies and stupid kids, it’s Shaun of the Dead meets some kind of Spring Break film. Just a bad mix.

30) Fifty Shades Of Grey (2015) It’s fifty shades of shit.

31) Fifty Shades Darker (2017) It’s fifty shades of darker shit

32) Fifty Shades Freed (2018) It’s fifty shades of….. oh you get the picture, it’s shit.

33) Mom and Dad (2017) Mom and dad try to kill son and daughter. Bad idea, badly executed.

34) CHIPS (2017) Not all big screen remakes of TV series are good.

35) Alien Covenant (2017) Takes a giant turd on the history of Alien.

5 thoughts on “Bottom 250 Films

  1. Jupiter Ascending, Channing Tatum in elf ears, glitter and on ‘gravity’ rollerblades. (starlight express anyone). oh and pretty much the same plot as the matrix but with aliens not robots.

  2. Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of blah blah blah. Poor attempt at disguising Ewoks as monkeys swinging through the jungle with Shit Lepoofter. I no longer want to be an archaeologist.

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