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Quick Verdict – A good day to watch something else

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So, I’ve reviewed the greatest Die Hard, Die Hard (5 Stars), the one in the airport, Die Hard 2 (3 Stars), the best sequel of the bunch, Die Hard with a Vengeance (4 stars) and the one where they go a little bit too far, Live Free or Die Hard, or Die Hard 4.0 (3 Stars). Then last year they bought out the fifth outing, A Good Day to Die Hard.

John McClane has tracked down his Son, Jack, to Russia, where he has been arrested for murdering someone. So John hops on a plane to Russia to find him. Jack however, is in fact an undercover CIA operative who is out to stop nuclear weapons being stolen. Everything in Jack’s plan is going swimmingly until John McClane arrives and fucks everything up. As with the previous films, John does what he does best, he kills terrorists. The only problem is, he wouldn’t have had to if he had just let his son do his job. As it was pointed out to me before I watched the film. Everything thing that happens in the film is John’s fault.

Now, I had heard bad things about Die Hard 5 before I saw it, but I swept all those comments away and watched it with an open mind. Unfortunately the things I’d heard were all true. The film is only a short 97 minutes long, and this is precisely how long it took to kill off the Die Hard franchise.

I find it even harder to believe that in a film this short, they manage to have a 16 minute long car chase around Moscow where we are treated to the bad guys getting away, being chased by Jack. Then every so often we’d cut back to John in a truck hitting everything in sight whilst making some witty comment. ‘Do I look like I speak Russian?’ So 16 minutes off the length of the film for the car chase. The beginning credits last a couple of minutes and we have 5 minutes for the end credits, gives us a film that is 74 minutes long of story.

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It’s a straight to DVD movie that has had John McClane wedged into, as a way of making it cinema material. The bad guys are completely throw away, the fact they think it’s possible to drive from Moscow to Chernobyl in a few hours is laughable, and then we get to the action scenes.

I lost count of the amount of times John and his Son should have died in this film. The worst part is, John just takes it in his stride. He just thinks it’s normal. Honestly, they jump out a building and through a dozen scaffolding planks before landing, what must be about 50 feet below. This is after the major raid on their safe house, and before they travel to Chernobyl where John is flung another 30 feet through a window. A giant ball of flames engulfs a room with them in, but they survive because they ducked behind a cabinet. Then finally after all sorts of other crap happens, the big helicopter blows up whilst John and Jack fall through about four floors into a conveniently placed pool covering them from the blast. It’s a shame they now have radiation poisoning, they should have taken precautions.

Now I’m in two minds. This film was so bad I feel that they owe it to the fans to make one more to make up for all the faults of this film, and then bow out gracefully. The other part of me says, just leave it alone, you’ve done enough damage. I reckon, if we get one more instalment. Bring back John McTiernan in the director’s chair, get rid of the John McClane buddy they insist on having, get rid of the ridiculous CGI action set pieces and go old school. Don’t try and go bigger, it’ll never work. John McClane in a nice claustrophobic environment.

I lost interest that I don’t even remember him saying Yippee-ki-yay motherfucker. I’ve been reliably informed, he does. At least they got one thing right.

Watch this if you like –

  • Straight to DVD action movies

 

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